chair
© karri allrich 2009
9.15.2009
7.15.2009
2.23.2009
rattlesnake rodeo
FADE IN:
EXT. CASITA - DAY
The high desert New Mexico sun glares off a small stone patio with a vengeance. Nine AM and it's already hot beyond ridiculous. Unseen locusts in the brittle junipers CLICK incessantly in the dead heat.
The sun-baked door OPENS. Muffled LAUGHTER infused with familiarity tumbles out of the shadowed interior as...
STEVE emerges, hefting a top-heavy laundry basket as he slides on polarized shades.
STEVE
Man, it's hot.
Man, it's hot.
KARRI winces at the fierce brilliance, pulls on SUNGLASSES and tugs the door shut behind her. She glances at a copper-green thermometer.
KARRI
Another 100 degree day in fucking paradise.
Another 100 degree day in fucking paradise.
Steve JERKS backwards unexpectedly, dirty laundry is AIRBORNE.
STEVE
Holy shit! SNAKE!
KARRI
(lurching awkwardly
in a drunken ostrich motion)
FUCK! Where? Fuck!
STEVE
(juts his arm out protectively;
points)
On the wall - there!
KARRI
Dude, that's a rattlesnake!
STEVE
Betty. I think you're right.
KARRI
All Zen aside, you gotta get
that fucker OFF my patio!
STEVE
It looks dead. It's not moving.
KARRI
It's pretending. Don't go near
it! Those fuckers can jump.
STEVE
Where's the bucket?
KARRI
Laundry room.
(beat)
What's the plan?
STEVE (O.S.)
(disappears around the
corner)
I'm gonna relocate the bastard.
KARRI
(inches closer to the
curled snake)
It's you or me, pal.
You're going DOWN.
Holy shit! SNAKE!
KARRI
(lurching awkwardly
in a drunken ostrich motion)
FUCK! Where? Fuck!
STEVE
(juts his arm out protectively;
points)
On the wall - there!
ANGLE ON
a young RATTLESNAKE curled on the edge of an adobe wall. The snake appears to be asleep.
a young RATTLESNAKE curled on the edge of an adobe wall. The snake appears to be asleep.
KARRI
Dude, that's a rattlesnake!
STEVE
Betty. I think you're right.
KARRI
All Zen aside, you gotta get
that fucker OFF my patio!
STEVE
It looks dead. It's not moving.
KARRI
It's pretending. Don't go near
it! Those fuckers can jump.
STEVE
Where's the bucket?
KARRI
Laundry room.
(beat)
What's the plan?
STEVE (O.S.)
(disappears around the
corner)
I'm gonna relocate the bastard.
KARRI
(inches closer to the
curled snake)
It's you or me, pal.
You're going DOWN.
Steve pulls up with a metal bucket in hand. Sets it on the patio, enters the casita, disappears into the dark interior...
Steve BURSTS back into daylight, a brick-thick art book in his fist entitled "Walter Ufer - Forgotten Genius." He hands off the book to Karri like Neely to Bourque.
Steve BURSTS back into daylight, a brick-thick art book in his fist entitled "Walter Ufer - Forgotten Genius." He hands off the book to Karri like Neely to Bourque.
STEVE
(grabs a broom leaning against
a pinon pile)
Okay. Get ready.
(grabs a broom leaning against
a pinon pile)
Okay. Get ready.
Karri plants both feet. Holds the book in front of her.
Steve pads up to the sleeping snake from behind, broom poised for action...
He SWEEPS the rattler off the wall into the waiting bucket.
The snake HISSES, rudely awakened, pissed, tail RATTLING as...
The book smacks down onto the bucket with a THWACK.
Steve pads up to the sleeping snake from behind, broom poised for action...
He SWEEPS the rattler off the wall into the waiting bucket.
The snake HISSES, rudely awakened, pissed, tail RATTLING as...
The book smacks down onto the bucket with a THWACK.
KARRI
Now what?
STEVE
Into the Fit!
KARRI
Shit! I'll drive. I'm not
holding that thing.
STEVE
I got it.
Now what?
The trapped snake HISSES, RATTLES.
STEVE
Into the Fit!
KARRI
Shit! I'll drive. I'm not
holding that thing.
He picks up the bucket, holding the book in place.
STEVE
I got it.
Steve glides up patio steps, death grip on the bucket, Karri at his side. The snake THUMPS, complaining.
Karri flings open the rear passenger door of a Honda Fit. Steve slides in, wedges the bucket on the floor between his feet in one smooth motion. Karri slams the door shut, scoots to the driver's door, climbs behind the wheel.
EXT. DIRT ROAD - DAY
The Honda Fit HAMMERS down a dirt road in a cloud of dust, immaculate cobalt overhead, a Jarvis Cocker tune BLASTING.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
The Fit JETS down a rural desert highway in glinting sunlight.
INT. HONDA FIT - DAY
Karri's Rocket Dog STOMPS the brake.
EXT. HIGHWAY SHOULDER/FIELD - DAY
The Honda SWERVES onto the dirt shoulder, SKIDS to a halt.
Karri bursts out of the vehicle, opens the rear door. Steve climbs out, bucket and book secure in his grip.
Karri flings open the rear passenger door of a Honda Fit. Steve slides in, wedges the bucket on the floor between his feet in one smooth motion. Karri slams the door shut, scoots to the driver's door, climbs behind the wheel.
EXT. DIRT ROAD - DAY
The Honda Fit HAMMERS down a dirt road in a cloud of dust, immaculate cobalt overhead, a Jarvis Cocker tune BLASTING.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
The Fit JETS down a rural desert highway in glinting sunlight.
INT. HONDA FIT - DAY
Karri's Rocket Dog STOMPS the brake.
EXT. HIGHWAY SHOULDER/FIELD - DAY
The Honda SWERVES onto the dirt shoulder, SKIDS to a halt.
Karri bursts out of the vehicle, opens the rear door. Steve climbs out, bucket and book secure in his grip.
STEVE
Wish me luck.
KARRI
Mazel!
Wish me luck.
KARRI
Mazel!
Steve trudges away from the highway through dry grass and sage...
He stops, decides on a spot, moves toward a barbed wire fence. He sets the book-covered bucket down. Pauses.
CLOSE ON
a single bead of sweat, dripping down Steve's brow...
KARRI peels off Calvin Klein shades. Squints. Bites her lip as...
STEVE'S BOOT
connects with the bucket, tips it over, sends the book packing.
The SNAKE slithers off, coils, HISSES a warning...
Steve grabs the empty bucket, the art book and runs for his life.
Karri connects with him at the shoulder, grabs him, plants a wet one.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
The Honda Fit u-turns onto the pavement, speeds away.
PULL BACK
as the Fit motors down the empty highway.
The distant blue mesas shimmer in the heat.
KARRI
(under her breath)
You're gonna need it, Bubbe.
(under her breath)
You're gonna need it, Bubbe.
He stops, decides on a spot, moves toward a barbed wire fence. He sets the book-covered bucket down. Pauses.
CLOSE ON
a single bead of sweat, dripping down Steve's brow...
KARRI peels off Calvin Klein shades. Squints. Bites her lip as...
STEVE'S BOOT
connects with the bucket, tips it over, sends the book packing.
The SNAKE slithers off, coils, HISSES a warning...
Steve grabs the empty bucket, the art book and runs for his life.
Karri connects with him at the shoulder, grabs him, plants a wet one.
KARRI
My hero.
STEVE
I knew my Ufer would come
in handy some day.
My hero.
STEVE
I knew my Ufer would come
in handy some day.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
The Honda Fit u-turns onto the pavement, speeds away.
PULL BACK
as the Fit motors down the empty highway.
The distant blue mesas shimmer in the heat.
FADE OUT.
Karina aka Karri Allrich © 2005-2009
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